Dreams.

Dreams. According to Google they are a series of images, thoughts or sensation that appear in a person’s mind when they sleep. Or when they are awake. I hardly ever dream when I’m asleep but boy do I spend my days dreaming. In fact I day dream so much that my brain doesn’t know how to not create and play images in my mind as I get about my day. Be it in class, in a conversation or something but my brain is always somewhere and hardly at the place I am at.

Ofcourse I am trying to get that changed because it is not in any way healthy and to become a wholesome human I need to practice mindfulness. You have probably heard it from spiritual people and all but it’s also a psychological phenomenon which helps with wellbeing. However, this won’t be a crash course for psychology atleast not on this particular blog post but rather about dreams. As a dreamer, I always want this thing and the next and I usually just say it to my parents because they are the only ones who can put up with my madness.

A few years ago when I was in high school, my friend put me onto Hindi series on Zee world and we would spend our breaks talking and trying to decipher what would happen in the next episode and even though I don’t remember when exactly it was I made the decision. After watching one episode in the evening I excitedly told my parents that I would be going to study in India. Ofcourse I made my research but with my attention span being so short I lost interest with the same quickness that the decision was made and went about with my life. I forgot about ever saying that especially after I fell on the Korean series bandwagon and moved on from wanting a Mayank to a So joong ki.

Anyway I did my undergraduate and graduated then was trying to figure out my next step when I got an opportunity to study my masters in India. There wasn’t much excitement in the moment with the loss of my grandmother and still trying to navigate grief while understanding that she wasn’t exactly herself in her last months without diminishing that the pain and anger I felt at times towards her was valid in her hurtful moments. I don’t think we talk much about the emotional toll taking care of a dementia patient does but I am at the place where I think of her as the grandmother that loved me my whole life and even in her moment of illness, she would sometimes show me love. Perhaps one day I will write about that moment.

Preparing to travel, visa applications and funeral arrangements were happening all at once then the sadness that followed about having to leave my home. I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic but my arrival in India was made pleasant by my greatest support system my older sister Siziwe and a brother I made here Modibo. Now, I spoke of dreams earlier because now you are probably wondering what exactly is this blog about, I tend to digress a lot. And having decided that the blog will take a journal form to encourage my consistency, me losing the plot will be a lot more common.

However, the blog is about how sometimes we make dreams, put them in the shelf and forget about them until they happen. Which is a very beautiful feeling in that moment when life laughs at you and says do you remember this dream. That’s exactly what happened when the University shuttle was driving us to the university with my brother and sister asking me about my trip when I saw the busy street of India and remembered that a few years ago I said I would be coming to study in India. I had forgotten ever saying that but in that very moment, the universe was whispering to me and reminding me.

It was a beautiful feeling, to know that God no matter how insignificant we may take things always listens and it doesn’t matter if it’s years later. He always answers. It might not be how we want him or how we think it will happen but He always answers. Even in His silence, He is still responding. Dreams delayed doesn’t mean dreams denied. I hope that one day you have a eureka moment when you finally achieve all your dreams.